15 years have passed since I suffered from Narcolepsy

 It has been more than 15 years since I suffered narcolepsy from a head injury around the age of 18. What I write here is a change in my feelings that I have begun to feel recently, as I feel that my symptoms have eased a little. No, the symptoms of narcolepsy themselves remain the same. If I sit for 15 minutes, then I find myself falling asleep in 3 minutes or if I start yawning, it continues to come on like a paroxysm. What has changed, then, is my acceptance of and attitude towards these symptoms. In this article, I would like to write about that feeling.

Because I have been conscious of and battling the disease of narcolepsy 24/7 for 365 days so far, I start to feel that unconsciously I limit my own opportunities and abilities. For example, even if I want to go to a lecture, I give up because I believe that I fall asleep anyway, or if I want to speak against someone in a meeting, I stop because I fall asleep and my opinion is not persuasive. I have recently come to feel that I don't like the fact that I have unconsciously come to limit myself.

This is a feeling that has only emerged after 15 years. It may be that I have become accustomed or relaxed in dealing with the symptoms, or it may have something to do with the fact that I am waking up a little less often during nighttime than before. In any case, I have been living with the same illness for 15 years. I no longer make an excuse that the disease disturbs my development.

This reminds me of an episode in which former US President Abraham Lincoln said, "When you are over 40, you are responsible for your own face". During his time in office, when someone was recommended for a cabinet position, he refused on the grounds that he 'didn't like that man's face'. When the adviser told him that he should not be responsible for the appearance of that person's face, he told him earlier that he should take responsibility for his own face once he was over 40 years old.

Yes, I have now reached the turn of my thirties. I shouldn't use my handicap. Even if my medical condition does not change, I can change my mind, my attitude, and my way of life.